self-serving, do not read

Here is where I get to be selfish. Here in this place I get to speak my peace.

The only comfort sometimes is that everything is transitory. The only peace of mind is that if you are desperate to fix something then the sun will come up the next morning and you will be granted the chance to do so. The people you beat the crap out of because they have committed the first cardinal sin, they have been extraordinary and decent and you have loved them greatly.

The anger and resentment I want to feel and don't subsides only to pain, guilt, and bitterness.

And then there is the other side. I am happy and I am loved and I love back. There are those in my life to whom I have been the best version of myself at one point or another and they remember.

Ignore this all, for it is nothing. I am tired and it is late.

oooof

to the inventor of the female body I would like to ask, what, why, what were you thinking?

Things I've eaten since coming home: chocolate chip cookie dough (my final I hate lighting inventory revenge) and becuase I've decided that I don't hate my own system I also had some chicken.

Thank You For Smoking is playing in the backgraound right now and it's amazing.

I am of course behind in my reading and my room is a mess. So instead of making an effort to catch up i'm sitting here and typing this.

Talking to Rio about St. Pats plans, should be cool. I need to write her a letter.

So much crap going on right now.

a bit of nothing

Because it was brought up I'm now thinking about the playlist i would create given the situation: in no order at all

-American Woman-The Guess Who
-Possum Kingdom-The Toadies
-Steam Roller- James Taylor

and though only the startings of a playlist i wanna say that if i were gonna give this more though Higher-Sly and The Family Stone would in fact make the cut

um..update?

Somewhere along the way in this life I acquired a strange assumption: my concern for my own happiness and my ability to acknowledge (complain) aloud for what currently is making me unhappy trump all. This is, in point of fact, not the purpose of human existance and should certainly not be the highest tier of thoughts in my head. Now that I've sort of taken the first steps of mentally correct that little snafoo I think I'm going to be a better person and a lot happier in the future.

in a totally unrelated note....im starting to get myself into cooking a little bit...should be fun/interesting/disasterous so i'm kind of excited.

I've also been watching a lot of West Wing recently and so the things I say and do are going to be a bit cheesier for a while, but hey, great writing and music and acting will do that to you.

Right now I'm poking around the apartment trying to sort of clean up little messes, damage control. It's going ok.

I got some of the best Christmas presents ever!!!

Some Days

Some days I just cannot for the life of me get my foot outta my throat. Some days I don't know what to do or say to anyone. So I morph into the least me version of myself which of course is strange and awkward.

I don't want to behave because there is a gun to my head. I want to do this right. I want to shift the way I think and actually be a little better. So I'm working on it.

"Some days we are absolutely nowhere" -A.S.