am wide open

Well guys, its all part of the game I guess. I finally pulled it out of him with both hands and a flashlight that he's still dealing with old feelings. He's trying to move on which is noble, and he's a genuinely tremendous human being with a great big heart. However, he, at the end of the day did not choose me, and that is fine.


I find myself treading water again, desperate for land, desperate to do some good. Desperate to pull happiness out of the air and give to the people I know who need it and still have plenty left for myself.

The RECKONING is still the most difficult. There are the ones who see the glassy outside and want you and then there are the ones who see the stuff behind all that and still want to treat you well. Finding solid ground in the middle sometimes seems impossible.

I write this penny philosophy to give myself distance in hopes of finding some sort of understanding.

I dress pretty as one more layer of protection, one more weapon.

knuckle down

that's just my cowgirl alter-ego
riding on her bar room bull
dripping with the sweat of irony
as the cowboys whoop and drool
shooting glances at the mirror
to see if her scar is showing
she is truly going nowhere tonight

lecherous old lady wanna-be
much too young and shy
flailing her whole life
just thinking she can teach herself to fly
vehement romantic
frantic for forever right now
but forever's going nowhere tonight

sick of goading her self-loathing
she thinks, i think i'd better leave
'course whiskey makes me smarter
and i'm happy as can be
but please excuse me darlin
it's not you
it's me

and there's a dusty old dust storm on mars, they say
so tonight you can't see it too clear
still i stood in line to look through their telescope
looked like a distant ship light
as seen from a foggy pier
and i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped
yes i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped

i think i'm done gunnin to get closer
to some imagined bliss
i gotta knuckle down
and just be ok with this
i'm gonna knuckle down
just be ok with this
'course that star struck girl is already someone i miss

i swear some stuff you just see better from further away
and i think i communicate best now, the less i say
and i can't dance if the band can't play
and the vibe is going nowhere tonight

'cuz somewhere between Hollywood and its pretty happiness
and an anguish so infinite it's anybody's guess
is a place where people are all teachers
and this just one long class
and that ass will get you nowhere tonight

there's a dusty old dust storm on mars they say
so tonight you can't see it too clear
still i stood in line to look through their telescope
looked like a distant ship light
as seen from a foggy pier
and i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped
yeah i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped

i think i'm done gunnin to get closer
to some imagined bliss
i gotta knuckle down
just be ok with this
gotta knuckle down
just be ok with this

'course that star struck girl
is already someone i miss

WORDS AND MUSIC BY ANI DIFRANCO