resolute

So...This I have decided: watching every fucking move I make and having myself a panic attack from overthinking all the ways in which i have desperately tried to not fuck up a good thing is a horrible truely awful way to live. I need to stop hurting myself. Why can't i stop hurting myself?


I went home last night. Hung out with renee and jake at the cabin and stuff and it was amazing. Then I drove back to Como on some pretty isolated roads. That was beautiful and amazing from begining to end and i'm incredibly glad I did it. My soul came back to me out there on the road, along with the image of God as creator, craftsman, and maker of completely beautiful things. My life is worth living. As Jamie Cullum said, "i live to love.. i love to live with you". That is one way to truely live life and my current psycho/mindravage/panicky way of doing things will make way from somehting better brighter and in general less ugly.

I will give myself another chance. I am intended, I am ready for, I am worth more than my ugly thoughts.

-katie