Plea for help

Can someone cause something very very loud to happen so that I am distracted? I would geatly appreciate it. Thanks, Katie

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I am. I am too invested in someone who is not willing to be invested in me and honestly, I'm hurtin. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? Why do I give a damn about this stupid non-relationship? Why do I like this guy so much? Why am I doing this to myself? I am setting myself up to get hurt and that just makes me feel really really stupid and naive and ( oh fuck all) young. I need to let go of this thing just a little bit and breathe and be a kid for five minutes. I've been living inside my own head for days and I"m just hurting so ranting happens. I'm sorry to everyone out there who really doesn't understand. I'm sorry that I haven't explained this better and no it doesn't make any sense. I just need all of this to just get out of my head and leave me alone for just a little while.

Walmart equals angry

I was in walmart for three hours, i have anger. Then frisbee happened and it was very very good. So i'm more emotionally invested in a guy than i should be, screw it, it'll be a fun trip. It will probably end poorly, but the middle will be brilliant. ( I hope). I love my friends, I have aquired some of the coolest people the world has to offer and I love them tremendously.

I'm no good on the phone out of bed

It is officially a bad idea for me to call people right out of bed. I semi-coherently babble at them and its really no good at all. I encountered this problem just this morning. This morning's topics included me having bad dreams, fishing, my neighbors, and the movies. I know, not a strand of transition among them, don't ask how it happened. Blah, I am absolutely worthless until i've been out of bed for twenty minutes MINIMUM. I miss rach. Hope she is doing well. everything's ok down here. The apartment is still a bit boring, we've been working on our bedrooms so the main part of the place is still pretty blah.

....and look how the babbling has continued. I will stop now.

out, stupid shit in my head

I've been really putting myself under a lot of, well, crap. It's stupid and i need to get back into the business of being a real person, which is how all of this was supposed to go anyway. This summer is about me really getting my bearings back. So the rest of the hyperventilating will eb in time. I will give myself a chance, i will give myself many chances. It will be better.

Why have i become addicted to this crap, can i blame rio?

As it turns out, Katie is aroused by ... Elevators 'What crazy thing are you aroused by?' at QuizUniverse.com

It's been a day

I had a really good day today. Tomorrow I'm going home and Kris is coming back so i won't be the only one in the apartment, i won't have to have so many damn lights on, now if someone would only hire me thing would be great.

Katie will go to jail for ... Quoting the Marquis de Sade to some school children 'What sexual activity will you go to jail for?' at QuizUniverse.com

.....electric nerves, sparking.....

I can't concentrate for crap. For the last about 12 hours i guess I've just been lettin gall the emotional shit a little too far in and right now that is the absolute LAST thing that I need especially considering that i have practically no time to prepare for physics on Friday.

Also, i know this sounds twisted, but i would really like to stop caring about everyone and everything else, and even about myself in relation to them right now, i don't have the mental and emotional space for it and when it does manage to leak into my consciousness IT DRIVES ME CLEAR UP THE WALL. ARGH, i'm just so frustrated right now that all I want to do is scream and scream and cry until I pass out and then I won't have to feel anything for a good few hours.

DAMMIT

I CAN't F-ING SLEEP

not a surprise given recent events but still really remarkably irritating

i've run out of things to feel, and thanks especially to megan and my gilmore girls fans for everything recently, i know i'm not the easiest person to be around at the moment.

Self-awareness

You ever get that feeling that if you left well enough alone things would be ok, but you can't because the waiting around and not doing anything would drive you insane. Well, i feel like I"m a little bit doing that now to everyone who come within five feet of me. I'm making little stupid mistakes everywhere. Unfocused and using my emotional needy whiny bullshit as an excuse to distract me from getting the work I need to done. Ugh, that's about all the chipper self analysis I can take, I need to actually be in bed long enough for the sleep to have a chance to get to me.

Hey, how the hell did it get to be May 4th already??