The Much Anticipated post about all the crazy events from yesterday on

My friend picked me up from work Friday night, and we decided to have movie night when we got back to my house. She and I are chilling in my basement watching a movie, snuggled up together like we always are. I'm straight, but not opposed to snuggling etc. with this girl especially as we are very close anyway. At one point I turned to face her and we kissed. We held eachother and i can still remember the feel of the skin on her back and her stomach. She's beautiful, but admittedly I think what little messing around we do, we do because we are so comfortable with eachother and so lonely away from our current boyfriends, (and other reasons). I enjoyed it, and I think she did too and then we both moved far enough apart to be comfortable and went to sleep.

Then I wake up at about one in the afternoon, way later than I should but whatev'. I do a little cleaning around the house and go see star wars with some friends. I dug it, and I must say the movie theaters here are officially FREEZING cold. I was supposed to meet up with my parents for dinner and go to church if I could squeeze it in. Instead I spent most of that time driving around in my car looking for them and calling my mom's cell and the house phone about a dozen times. I got out of the movie too late to go to church, so i ended up missing both.

Then I got home, made myself some food, and watched Spirited Away and felt renewed again. Its beautiful, and it reminded me how amazing it is to be a child and know what it really is to experience pure emotions, they have faith, they love with all their hearts, and there are no shades of gray. Children, even so far back as the Bible are known for the strength of their convictions, folly or not they believe what they do and love who they love, and that is all that matters. Also just the extremes of childhood struck me. They are either unbelievably selfish or unfathomably selfless. They have either very sly or completely pure motives. We also never learn so well or so quickly as we do when we are children. They seem to be the purest form of human. The lines blur as you get older. Everything is gray and complex and love is not a strong enough motive any longer, nor is love the perfect, simple love of youth. In childhood we have the power to fly, we know it, as we get older we realize that we never did. I wonder who is right, especially on that matter, children or adults?

Then I spent hours talking to my boy. The topic of conversation ranged from my past sins, his current trial of healing from tonselectomy, how he thinks of me, his psyche, my psyche, sex, love, and believe it or not, pudding. I miss him so much, and yet there is the constant fear of hurting him when we're together.

Today my grandmother called and told me I'm going to be Ian's Godmother, and I was just so excited. Can you imagine me, excited to have a responsibilty that is so very adult? Am i embracing being a grown-up? Either way, I'm really happy, and honored.

I finally have time to read, so i'm going to reread all the Chronicles of Narnia this week. I've also discovered that for the life of me I cannot draw. Maybe I'll work on it this summer, who knows? It just seems like so much is happening right now. For the most part I'm really happy, if not slightly frustrated by my lack of dan and lack of artistic talent.

Things are ok, but I really want someone to hug me tonight. love to all -kt