I should be sleeping, but instead i'm listening to the saddest music i could find. I'm letting myself be miserable and self-pittying. I'm so scared of saying and doing the wrong thing in front of you, who matter most. I'm inexperienced and prone to shooting myself right in the foot. I want you and I am a coward for writing it here and for telling everyone who will listen about it except you. I'm such a nervous stupid version of myself around you and praying you see through that. Hell, I want your understanding. ...in addition to your respect, love, and desire... i want all of those too. I really want you to know all of this without me having to say a word. Don't let me be alone anymore. I'm horrible at being alone. I shouldn't even be worrying about this. Its so trivial and selfish, there is so much going on around me right now that this doesn't matter. But i want it to matter.