FINALLY

I've finally talked out what the hell was up with me obsessing over stuff. What happened was that I had the wrong perception of things.

I got used, that's exactly what happened, and it was a really shitty thing for that person to do. I kapt saying to myself, but he's not a bad guy, clearly I was justified in having a crush on him. However, good people occasionally do shitty things. You don't get to be absolved from doing something hurtful simply becuase you are not a hurtful person most of the time.

For the longest time I was convinced what happened to me was somewhat my fault. That I did something really stupid and unattractive that drove this person to treat me the way he did. I didn't. I was happy the next day, but I wasn't declaring my undying love, I didn't stalk him. Even the cop out reasons that don't really excuse someone's behavior, but that they use, those don't apply here. I'm not unattractive physically or in terms of personality. I'm a cool person. I have good friends whom I care about who care about me. I've had several boyfriends. I'm in no way an unfortunate and undesirable person.

I am entirely justified in hating that this happened to me, and I don't hate him, but that doesn't mean that I don't think he's at fault. FINALLY I have this right in my head now. Thanks to the Sarahs and a lot of thinking on my own part. I feel really good right now, and I'm gonna hold on to it. I don't like feeling shitty, so I'm not gonna unless I have to. Things are looking up.