vent session

im insecure, i insult myself just to fish for compliments. im in love with love and affection and passion. I want them with a fierce hunger i can only begin to describe with words. I love the idea of being incomplete without one specific person, and spending life finding them and being with them for the rest of your days. That is what life, love, passion should be.

I live in a world ive created. Ive never denied that it was that of an idealist, a romantic, and a silly little girl all rolled up into me. I want the whole world to love me insatiably. I want to be beautiful. I am insecure about how i look, and i love to be loved. its who i am. im so scared. all the time, i hate being alone. My hunger consumes my mind for hours at a time.

There is so much inside me, that i don't know what to do with it all.

stuff, in general

in my short life up to this point i have: fallen in love a thousand times with the hearts that were hidden just behind thousands of beautiful pairs of eyes, i have taken the best friendship i have known to its very grave for the sake of selfish love, i have fought mental wars (crusades that are still being waged inside my own mind). i have lost the battles against time and geography, i have defied everything i used to love about myself, i have suffered, suffered, disappointment, and i have discovered that all of it is crap and people matter more. to be entirely lame and quote the counting crows, which i will be doing a lot, "getting right to the heart of matters, its the heart that matters more" (Omaha, the counting crows). i am stupid and i readily admit it, i babble incoherently about nothing, i have no great accomplishments, and by most, i will not be remembered when i go, which if i have anything to say about it, will be about 90 years from now. God-willing, i'd like to marry j.McG, be friends with rio, alexis, rose, lucas, andrew, and all the best of all the rest, and i wanna make movies, good ones, i love you all