yay

So...I moved 400 miles. So far, I'm pretty happy/totally stressed out most of the time. I miss everyone to the point of madness, which is the way it's supposed to be.

It should be mentioned, becuase he has been making mountains of positive steps lately, that I am grateful for my boyfriend. He is equal parts lover and older brother. I am proud to be with him.

So here I am in a big city full of wind, lakes, and rain, ...and theatre. I got an email for a possible interview for a paying gig. If I get it, that will be my first massive step forward in the craggy, sticky, nose bleed inducing path upward into making back stage work something I do most of the time, for a significant portion of my income. I am a crazy person, and can therefore do this sort of thing.

Also, I found out that my best friend is fraying and straining a lot these days. I am far away, but I hope for her to find what she needs to help her. My Dad, God love him, is not big on phone chats. Over the past few conversations I've gotten a pretty heart felt but nuts and bolts description of how we as a family found out that my aunt has cancer. On her liver. Hope. HOpe hope hope. I have big hopes right now.

-Katie

Paper Dreams Honey

Song that explains why I (and broads like me) are attractive...


http://video.aol.com/video-detail/ash-girl-from-mars-uk-version/1169561548

Ash The Girl From Mars

You know what sucks?

being terrible about money. take my advice: avoid money trouble just as long as you possibly can.

don't be proud.

it will be alright, but man is it ever hard to swallow

-Katie

haze

I'm not really sure what to do. I know I need to be better prepared. I KNOW I need to stop complaining. I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on just one person, and that's pretty hard to deal with. I just wish I didn't know that the balance is not in my favor. I wouldn't hold on so hard.


It seems that I underestimated how frustrating works in progress can be.

well, i should get to bed soon...a.k.a. "Why I Write"

Blogs are destroying literature. We are every bit the "cult of amateurs" we are reviled to be. Denounce me. What do I care? I don't write from some delusion of greatness, and, by the way, I usually don't even write from the depths of my soul. I write in order to clarify my thoughts, purge my demons, and reconnect with my own head. I have many times discussed my philosophy of non-editting.

A word of advice, blogs cannot destroy literature without having acquired willing accomplices. If you don't assign any serious literary value to online journals and things, then I won't either, and we shall all be just fine.

I stereotype men. I shouldn't. I intentionally go for sexuality first and foremost in interactions with the fellas I'm attempting to get to know. Even upon knowing them, and it disgusts me to admit this, I still presume that blunt, driving, fast, loud, are the watchwords of male sexuality. This is, of course, crap. No one is so plain as that in their desires, and thank God for that. I remember discussing with a boyfriend one of my many reasons for not being sexually attracted to an aquaintance (i'm just gonna make the spellings up at this point) of his. He's not creative. He's not [interesting]. Having sex with him wouldn't be any fun. I said something to that basic effect. I don't remember the phrasing precisly. So perhaps that says it all. Sorry guys, I'll do better.

I went from home to the dorms to basically living with my best friend and boyfriend(s). I've decided that at some point quite soon I will shakc up on my own. Even if only for a while. It is most definately time to trust that I can stand, sit, eat, and sleep myself, content. That last bit will proove trickiest.

I wonder if I thinkthe holes in my personality are so large that they demand my constant efforts in their repair. Chances are if I were more willing to be flawed, I'd end up less flawed - I'd have cancelled out all of the knuckle-head nervous mistakes and I'd be happier by virtue of not feeling sharp embarassment or fearing it and sancitoning my own behavior.

and so goodnight unto you all

Katie

Note to self

Get off your duff, Kate! (the duff i mentioned is also getting not-so-enjoyably big due to my being terminally lazy these last two weeks)

A couple of life choices I need to make: the deal I made with myself yesterday and fixing up my resume and writing up some cover letters. I need to put a deadline in place!

If you know anyone who is looking for a good Stage Manager, let me know!

Also I've thought about painting for a while, so I need to grab a drop cloth and get going!

I hope things are well with a friend of mine who got some very bad news yesterday. I've been in a similar situation, and as such I don't envy him. Luck and Love.

Katie

The Building and Loan

Frank Capra is the father of joyful films. I just watched It's a Wonderful Life for about the one millionth time. I am now, finally, ready-ish for Christmas. Frank Capra is a genious because he made joy artistic again. It is not so neaseatingly cheesy as most Christmas films. At times, the whole concept is incredibly depressing and a bit frightening. Watch it. And then watch A Christmas Story so that you can even back out.

Merry Christmas!